Despite living in Beijing and working as a ‘Foreign English Teacher’ I don’t intend to make my contributions to this blog a blow by blow account of life in China. I’m reluctant to write such a blog for two main reasons; firstly that there’s plenty of blogs on the topic of foreigners living in China already ( http://stopworryingandlovechina.wordpress.com being one of my favourites for those interested in) and secondly because I think I’d fall into the trap of serving up a day by day account, failing to offer anything witty or insightful. The aim of my contributions therefore is to carry on in the current style of the blog, i.e. offering the obscure and irrelevant thoughts of another ‘old man’ in his 20’s .
In complete contradiction to the above introduction my first entry will focus on a particular aspect of live in China: bus travel. For clarity it’s crucial to state that I’m talking about the loveable service buses which ply their trade within a town or city and not their despicable bigger cousin, the inter city coach. Everyone with an ounce of decency will be aware that travel between cities is a job for trains not buses.
Living in Shunyi, a suburb to the north east of Beijing, which is not currently served by the cities underground system (the extension of Line 15 to here is likely to be open within the next few weeks) I have spent a fair amount of time making use of the bus network. Journeys costing between 8 pence and 28 pence represent far better value than taxis (costing an extortionate £3 - £7 for equivalent journeys) for a tight git like me.
The shenanigans that are to be experienced on China’s buses are alluded to in the Wikitravel article for Beijing. Here a warning is given that ‘your driver is likely to prioritise speed over comfort so hold on tight.’ In fact it would’ve probably been more accurate to state that ‘your driver is highly likely to be an escaped lunatic, please have this in mind before boarding.’ Over the past few months I’ve become fully accustomed to travelling on buses that would considered dangerously over-crowded in many countries. It’s also no longer a surprise to see the bus driver attempt audacious undertaking manoeuvres. I now presume there is a problem if the driver fails to check that his horn is still working at least twice a minute.
Although adventure and danger are regular travelling companions it’s worth highlighting three experiences that went above and beyond the usual fun and games. The first comes from one of my first trips on the faithful 915 Express (running between Shunyi and the central underground station, Dongzhimen). Around an hour into the journey the driver became increasingly agitated at the amount of time it was taking to progress beyond a busy junction. The car in front’s inability to crawl forward when immediately given the chance appeared particularly irksome. After offering many salvos on the horn by way warning the driver decided to take matters into his own hands and shunted the car in front. Alas his logic, that a quick push would speed up matters, wasn’t to be. The debate often that follows a collision ensued in China, with a variety of passers by giving their two penneth as per usual. I decided walking the last part of the journey was probably the quickest option.
The second example is from a trip in the Haidian area of Beijing. Shortly after boarding I noticed that the conductor was making his voice heard even more than usual. It quickly became apparent that one of the wing mirrors was missing, and all important decisions were being made by the conductor leaning out of a window and issuing instructions to the driver. The conductor also took it upon himself to berate cyclists and pedestrians who strayed too close to the bus.
Finally, another example from the 915. A good friend living and working in the nearby city of Tianjin recently shared with me his theory that bus drivers are working on commission to get as many trips up and down the route done as possible. I have no way of knowing if this theory is true, but it would certainly explain the following actions. Not far into the journey the driver started shouting out to the passengers. Given my limited knowledge of Chinese all I could make out were the names of a few of the stops on route. As the journey progressed it transpired that the driver had unilaterally decided to re route the bus, and had no intention of stopping at the aforementioned stops. A brief public consultation took place when one passenger announced his desire to get off at one of the removed stops. The rest of the bus sided with the driver, preferring the 10 minute short cut, and the lone passenger had to alight early and wait for the next bus (fortunately for him they run every 5 minutes).
To finish – a completely unrelated joke. Why does Karl Marx like fruit tea? Because proper tea is theft.
Saturday 31 December 2011
Friday 23 December 2011
Christmas: it's not as good as it used to be.
The title explains all about this blog that you really need to know. Now I'm getting older and I realise that the value of Christmas does change, and I also know that we obviously miss the mountains of presents that, on reflection, we didn’t realise there were enough hiding places for. My desire for this blog, however, is talk more about the strange things you miss about Christmas past.
I'd like to start with a very interesting subject. Simply, the Christmas jumper. Now the Christmas jumper will have come in many sizes, hopefully not too many shapes, and many styles. Now many of you, when thinking of this wonderful item, will probably picture the classic knitted number. A style I'm sure we all remember, the snowman design knitted into a red woollen jumper. For me though, the Christmas jumper covers more than that. The jumper could range from the traditional festive number, right the way through to the families attempt to get you better dressed. The two, to me, are one and the same thing.
The Christmas jumper was a practical thing, it kept you warm as a small child, and even though it itched, we all loved the though of the festive period. The practicalities continued though, maybe warmth wasn't as paramount in the later years of its appearances, but we needed to keep up with junior school fashion. Christmas always seemed to fall at a good time in the school year. You'd been at school for a term now, the trends were definitely set, and right on time your uncle would appear with the stylish new jumper to impress your mates. Now I miss this, and I think secretly we all do. Life for us 20somethings, going on 70somethings, feels tough and we all hark back to a time when your uncle, or whoever the "stylish" member of the family was, was your greatest style input.
I feel something that has lead to this woeful situation is the loss of mystery surrounding Christmas. Not only have the days of mountains of presents long since left us, but so have the days of having no idea what was wrapped in those small, materialistic packages of joy. It seems now, wrapping something in brightly coloured paper isn't enough to make us like something. People seem so increasingly concerned that presents will be liked, or be useful, that I, and feel many others as well, are picking many of our own gifts. "I'll just put some money in your card so you can get what you want." A practical option for many a grandparent I'm sure, but counting the number of tenners that fall out of a card is not a patch on the excitement and mystery surrounding actual presents under a tree. For me this situation reached its peak this year. I write this before the big day knowing full well that there are a collection of 6 books (one of which I have already read, and two I wrapped myself) and 2 dvds awaiting my opening on that special morning. Christmas has lost its mystery, and I know something will never be the same, but for the sake of everyone everywhere, let's keep presents a mystery!! A surprise jumper you will never wear is surely better than a book you picked off the shelf yourself. Shops allow returns for a reason!!
Next on my list of strange things to miss about Christmas is an usual one, that's kind of why its on the list I guess. This one is the (pointless) notion of leave a carrot outside the back door for Rudolph and his friends. Now everyone remembers the mince pies and sherry for the big man himself that were left next to the fire, and I don't miss these because I neither eat mince pies nor drink sherry. I guess its not the carrot I miss, but the length that people go to, to make Christmas special. People always say the greatest part of any lie is the little details.
The final part of the rant is the annual family games. Admit it. We all miss them. Gone are the days that, at about half six, we'd be all full up on a big dinner, and we'd collectively as a nation settle in front of the TV for some classic viewing and the young en would want to bust out their new board game and get playing. Now I can't help but feel that if someone were to suggest a mass game of Monopoly this year I'd suddenly be very busy and unable to participate. This may stem from being the youngest of the extend family and always being the one wanting to play a game in the past, and there may well have been a mass sigh of relief from the family the year I didn't get a new multi-player game for Christmas. Maybe those of you out there that aren't the youngest won't agree with me on this topic, and if you don't well, write your own blog!
In the interesting event, and actually rather frequent event, of no new board game appearing within the last 12 months then a family was left with two options. Those were a) find an old game out of the cupboard, or b) find a pack of cards and all gather around the table. Both were exciting prospects for the anticipant (I checked, this is a real word!) 7 year old. The nightmare scenario for me was always the 1978 edition of Trivial pursuit, that was a long and lonely cheese-less night. At the other end of the spectrum was a good game of Find the Lady, a card game that must have died out with the last millennium. Due to its demise I'm not 100% sure of the rules any more. All I seem to remember is the hilarity of the title "dummy hand" to a younger version of myself, and a years supply of 1p and 2p coins. The basic idea, I think, being that a player put 2 pence in to play, one to play and one for the lady. To win said money, the first player to use all their cards gained one half of the money and the person with the Queen of hearts got the other. Perhaps the greatest of memories of this simple game was the rare appearance of a 5 pence coin. Always met with a very over the top "Ayup it's snowing over there!! A 5p!! You must be feeling flush!!" Being started usually by my grandad, this jovial abuse often loosing its comedic value as soon as I added my best effort.
Now it would appear that I am as bad at saying goodbye to you, my readers, as I am to anyone else. So I'll do what I usually do, and finish with a joke.
Two snowmen in a field, one says to the other "do you smell carrots?"
Merry Christmas to you all. Have a good one.
I'd like to start with a very interesting subject. Simply, the Christmas jumper. Now the Christmas jumper will have come in many sizes, hopefully not too many shapes, and many styles. Now many of you, when thinking of this wonderful item, will probably picture the classic knitted number. A style I'm sure we all remember, the snowman design knitted into a red woollen jumper. For me though, the Christmas jumper covers more than that. The jumper could range from the traditional festive number, right the way through to the families attempt to get you better dressed. The two, to me, are one and the same thing.
The Christmas jumper was a practical thing, it kept you warm as a small child, and even though it itched, we all loved the though of the festive period. The practicalities continued though, maybe warmth wasn't as paramount in the later years of its appearances, but we needed to keep up with junior school fashion. Christmas always seemed to fall at a good time in the school year. You'd been at school for a term now, the trends were definitely set, and right on time your uncle would appear with the stylish new jumper to impress your mates. Now I miss this, and I think secretly we all do. Life for us 20somethings, going on 70somethings, feels tough and we all hark back to a time when your uncle, or whoever the "stylish" member of the family was, was your greatest style input.
I feel something that has lead to this woeful situation is the loss of mystery surrounding Christmas. Not only have the days of mountains of presents long since left us, but so have the days of having no idea what was wrapped in those small, materialistic packages of joy. It seems now, wrapping something in brightly coloured paper isn't enough to make us like something. People seem so increasingly concerned that presents will be liked, or be useful, that I, and feel many others as well, are picking many of our own gifts. "I'll just put some money in your card so you can get what you want." A practical option for many a grandparent I'm sure, but counting the number of tenners that fall out of a card is not a patch on the excitement and mystery surrounding actual presents under a tree. For me this situation reached its peak this year. I write this before the big day knowing full well that there are a collection of 6 books (one of which I have already read, and two I wrapped myself) and 2 dvds awaiting my opening on that special morning. Christmas has lost its mystery, and I know something will never be the same, but for the sake of everyone everywhere, let's keep presents a mystery!! A surprise jumper you will never wear is surely better than a book you picked off the shelf yourself. Shops allow returns for a reason!!
Next on my list of strange things to miss about Christmas is an usual one, that's kind of why its on the list I guess. This one is the (pointless) notion of leave a carrot outside the back door for Rudolph and his friends. Now everyone remembers the mince pies and sherry for the big man himself that were left next to the fire, and I don't miss these because I neither eat mince pies nor drink sherry. I guess its not the carrot I miss, but the length that people go to, to make Christmas special. People always say the greatest part of any lie is the little details.
The final part of the rant is the annual family games. Admit it. We all miss them. Gone are the days that, at about half six, we'd be all full up on a big dinner, and we'd collectively as a nation settle in front of the TV for some classic viewing and the young en would want to bust out their new board game and get playing. Now I can't help but feel that if someone were to suggest a mass game of Monopoly this year I'd suddenly be very busy and unable to participate. This may stem from being the youngest of the extend family and always being the one wanting to play a game in the past, and there may well have been a mass sigh of relief from the family the year I didn't get a new multi-player game for Christmas. Maybe those of you out there that aren't the youngest won't agree with me on this topic, and if you don't well, write your own blog!
In the interesting event, and actually rather frequent event, of no new board game appearing within the last 12 months then a family was left with two options. Those were a) find an old game out of the cupboard, or b) find a pack of cards and all gather around the table. Both were exciting prospects for the anticipant (I checked, this is a real word!) 7 year old. The nightmare scenario for me was always the 1978 edition of Trivial pursuit, that was a long and lonely cheese-less night. At the other end of the spectrum was a good game of Find the Lady, a card game that must have died out with the last millennium. Due to its demise I'm not 100% sure of the rules any more. All I seem to remember is the hilarity of the title "dummy hand" to a younger version of myself, and a years supply of 1p and 2p coins. The basic idea, I think, being that a player put 2 pence in to play, one to play and one for the lady. To win said money, the first player to use all their cards gained one half of the money and the person with the Queen of hearts got the other. Perhaps the greatest of memories of this simple game was the rare appearance of a 5 pence coin. Always met with a very over the top "Ayup it's snowing over there!! A 5p!! You must be feeling flush!!" Being started usually by my grandad, this jovial abuse often loosing its comedic value as soon as I added my best effort.
Now it would appear that I am as bad at saying goodbye to you, my readers, as I am to anyone else. So I'll do what I usually do, and finish with a joke.
Two snowmen in a field, one says to the other "do you smell carrots?"
Merry Christmas to you all. Have a good one.
Tuesday 20 December 2011
So I don't like a blog on the BBC
Evening all.
I've been on about writing a blog for a while. I always find something to moan about and most people find it amusing to at least laugh at me. Now I was reading a blog on the BBC website and I thought to myself: "Even I can do better than this."
So here goes.(And don't worry, they might not all be about football!)
On Monday (the 19th) an announcement was made by the Scottish Premier League (SPL) that it would be relaxing the rules on terraces at grounds in the league. This issue is a very sensitive issue within football, given the history. In April 1989, 96 people were killed attending an FA Cup game at Hillsborough after a crush occurred, and in 1985, 39 fans died in the stadium disaster at Heysel, in Belgium.
These two events were tragic and shook football to its core. My blog is not to go into great depth about these events and the results of them. There is not enough time for that. The main thing that you will need to know about the events is that the terracing itself did not cause either of these two disasters. There are some aspects of the terraces in place that did have negative effects on the events, but the underlying cause was not the terracing. Other factors to the Hillsborough disaster were the unsafe "crush barriers" and the "pens" that were in place on the terrace. These "pens" divided the entire stand into different sections, allowing no free movement along the entire end of the ground. After the Hillsborough disaster the Taylor report was conducted and as a result in both England and Scotland, clubs in the top divisions were required to convert to all seater stadia.
Don't worry, the history lesson over.
The blog that has prompted this outburst is to be found at the following link.
Some of the opposition to a return to standing is that we do not want to return to the 60s and 70s when conditions for football fans were horrific, and this is true. However, simply by including a section of the ground where fans can safely stand would not be the return talked about by sceptics. As a football fan I firmly believe that we should not be doing anything to discourage people from attending football matches. Armchair fans are one of the things I hate most about football, but that is for another blog. This discouraging of other fans is also something talked about by the opposition to standing. I, and the FSF, are not saying that clubs will have to completely destroy their multi-million pound stadia and replace it with four banks of concrete. I am also not saying that every club must now build some terracing within the current stadium. This idea is insane. What I, and I hope many other fans, want is the ability for clubs to make their own decisions on terracing. Just because they would be allowed to build a terrace does not mean all clubs will instantly do so. Seats will still be there for those who do not wish stand.
The idea of safe standing may be a new idea to some of you. The old idea of crumbling concrete and big iron fences is not the future of standing. One of the idea for safe standing that has been in use in Germany for a long time is an idea called "Vario-Sitzen." This basically translates to variable seating. The main idea behind the name is that as a fan, when you buy a ticket you would still get a row and number in the same way as been allocated a seat. However once you find your allocated place you are not met by a folding plastic chair, but by a space with your own bar to lean on. This idea solves the problem that you do not know where fans are or how many of them there are as they are all still numbered in the same way.
Now I've clearly waffled on for far too long on this subject. I hope to those who have now read both my attempt at a blog on standing at football and the BBC's effort will have at least enjoyed my efforts.
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